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The saddest day in our life, maybe when we only living by our self. There were no parties that last forever, an old man said to me. One day everything will be over. Just like our lives, born than grown up and getting old after that is end.
Lately, I decide to live by own. No more connection with anybody. No my girl friend, no parents, no families, no friend and no social live. Just spending my time playing computer or playstation, and watching DVD and television. Just sit in my favorite couch with snack and soft drinks in my hand.
Day by day past, while I am staying in my house and just live by my self. I am even don’t know how long I’ve been staying like this. No sunshine through my windows. No one for me to talk to. Then I am run out of DVD to watch and television show were no good. All the playstation games were already finish. Then I turn on my computer, than I connect to my internet.
Just when I connect to the net, few of my program were starting automatically. My messenger, my email, suddenly fill with a lot of message from everybody. Than I start to opened one by one. Wait it is wrong, I should haven’t opened it. I want to live by my self. I don’t need them and I don’t want them. I just want to live by my self without anyone come in to my life.
Than I turn my computer off. Silent, I just in my couch. No DVD, no television, no playstation and no more computer. I am asking to my self, what will I do?
Hopeless, I feel hopeless. At that time the only thing that I have are my mind and my heart. My mind was so quiet and my heart feel so empty. I don’t want to admit that I am lonely. This is my decision and I am ready for it. I will take all the consequences.
This is my choice!

Who do you see in a mirror?

I just see somebody in the mirror today.
I don't recognize him.
I look at his eyes and
I don't see a thing.

Wondering who you are
Where do you come from
Why are you here
What do you do

He is just stared at me
He don't say a word
He keep silent
He have nothing

When my tears fall down
from my eyes
I see his heart bleed
Wound that you can't see


When I am smile
I see her lips moving
It's look like a smile
His lips trembling

I closed my eyes
And I start to cry
I don't have courage
To see the truth in the mirror

I hate my self

Sometimes, I hate my self to be a kind heart person. I am so easily deceive and been lie to. I also hate my self for loving someone that I am slowly hated. I have walk a thousand miles and look for part of my soul. Once I am in love and next day I am broken heart man. I wanna cry so hard ‘till my eyes gone blind. I hate my self with the entire thing I see.

Where is the perfect world? Where is the place that we can love somebody without have to been judge by who we are and what we have? Where people honor each other? Where a simple man with a simple love will accept in society? Is there any such place for me to live in? Where are there?!

I am lost, I am angry, I am sad, I am confuse and I have no place to go.

Is it me who ask too much? Is it me who can’t be grateful? Is it me the one that have done wrong? Is it this all happen because of my sins?

Tell me, where did I go wrong? Please light a candle for me, so I can see in the dark. Show me the road and I will be going?

Please……if anyone out there, who could hear me? Please give me an answer.

Disappointment

It’s hard to know what other people want. Even that I already tell them what I want. I am thinking so hard so that we can find a better life for both of us. Her mouth says agree but her heart wasn’t agree. I am very disappointed by her act. There weren’t any trust among us. Than why should I hold it any much longer?

My feeling slowly fade away for every act that she’s done; none of them ease my responsibility. Everytime she had problems with her family, I am been responsible for it. I don’t know how long I can stand this situation.

I am a free man, free to love and free to be with somebody that I love. Somehow, she is not the women I fell in love with, no she is not.

These past few days my eyes seem want to pour down tears. I don’t understand why and I am keep asking what’s wrong?

Now, may be I am already know the answer in front of me. I am really disappointed because I am almost have nothing. Only few things that left include my common sense and my pride.

It seem soon or later, I will have to leave her and find the right one for me. Pursuit of my own happiness, even it will cause other people happiness. Today, I am watching Oprah’s and there were people who wait for a lifetime just to wait for their soul mate, one person that they love from their deepest heart and they know that she is the one. I haven’t find the one.

There’s one thing that cross my mind and that is when you really love someone, you will be happy no matter what happen because we know, having each other is enough strength for us to keep on going. Be with that somebody we love, we will never give up. We will face the world like there weren’t anything in the world could come between us. And our love will be forever and ever.

I still believe in that, I believe there’s somebody out there have the same feeling with me. And I believe there is someone out there that meant to be with me. Someone that gives you spirit when you’re down, someone to share laughter and tears. Someone that knew I am belong with.

Someday, I will find it and I will never let it go.

Where are you my love?

Where do you go?

What do you do?

Are you looking for me?

Do you feel the same for me?

Would you meet me?

I know there are no answers for every question in this world

But if you feel the same like me

Than don’t you worry

Because out here I am waiting

and listening to the wind

that carries your song of love to me

I’ll be waiting my love

One year, two years or even forever

I’ll be waiting

I don’t have any treasure to give

Beside the heart shape diamond

To ensure that it will last forever

A precious heart that will always shine for you

To give you anything you need

At last forever